heyy new diaryy!

smileySOUL

add meee (:

<3michelle

I've read:

Uglies [just the first one]

Speak

A great and terrible Beauty*

Daughters of the moon [just the first two]

:D

Summer school kids like us are rad.

I know..hey i have a plain hehe
for kidnapping edward lol<3
jk..
but it was a pretty cravty idea...



x3 C a r l i

One the last picture..
of so called "thinsoprachin"
it kinda looks like you could
break her..its discusting
im trying to loss weight but..
not like that.

his is the first entry I have ever read of yours, but I already like you :P

[forgetable18]

Hey chick
I reckon yohr REAALL pretty!

& i no exactly how yoh feel!
why is it that guys love HOES
i mean i dont know how to put it any other way
its like.. the cant look past what yohr putting out
and if yohr NOT putting anything out.. then yohr not worth it.

No...but we know
each other in real life
its just she got pulled up
a grade in like 1st so
yeah! LoL or we would be
in the same lol!
it is kinda confuzing
<3

peace <3

carli

Pahaa.
Yepp.
Ima be in Savannah.
Do yooh live close to there?
Ilyyy.
~*_Taylor!_*~

oh kristen,no!!
i broke upp withh himm more than he did.
i suggested the break thingg.
haa,its not himm.
its me!
but i still lovveee yooh fer the concerrnnn.(:
i lovveee yooh.<3.
~*_Taylor!_*~

Hahaha I was all sad at first because you updated and didn't comment me haha but you didn't need to obv after I read it.

Hahah that's rad. Sounds like a catch to me.

Back in my dayyyyyyyyyyy. . . pluto was a planet, and we didn't have no xboxs or internets!

You crazy youngsters and your power rangers dolls and pokeman cards, and tie-dye-whatsawhosits.

[TheEmoUnicorn]

hahaha my dad is all like, "go texans!" and like so I just go along with it because he's from Texas.

and jon stamose's name DOES sound like a football player to me

my best friend matt, his mom is a steelers fan and his sister is a jon stamose fan so i always thought he was a player for teh steelers. D: that's the only reason i know his name.

don't get tooo carried away with putting out

people will start rumors then BLAH

so tell me more bout this boiii ;D

i count down to the last minute too.
i can't stand when people are like "it's 10:30!" and i'm like no. it's 10:27.

haha =]

hahah i like vanilla
like vanilla ice
cept. . . icecream
you game?

booo my break only starts tomorrow.
too bad you didnt make it into highschool musicial
i adore that movie like nobodys business.
think im kidding?
i have a highschool musicial shirt. . . in your face

reese sounds loike a peanut butter cup
you should probably eat him
i mean date him
yep date

Yeah I'm not so keene on this new uprising of live strong [starve on] epidemic. But what can you do? This real and fake girls with eating disorders do not listen. Personally the thinsperations and such with 2 inch waists make me kinda. . . sick.

I made myself throw up to get rid of food before. Um, it hurt so bad it had me shaking and made me cry.

My gag reflex is pretty much non-existant so it took a lot of effort and it wasn't that I just like threw up. You throw up EVERYTHING that I ever ate. Like ever.

Plus vomit like smells disgusting and somehow always ends up in my hair. Like stomach acid. Binge drinking. I remember I like threw up in someone's truck jsut from the motion after drinking pulling out of the parked position. I remember getting myself so sick I threw up out of someone's car window.

Now since I grossed you out enough, let's go get icecream.

Not all of the girls on here who are Ana or Mia are fakes. Many of us deal with our disorder everyday. I've been struggling with mine since I was 11 years old. I didn't know what it was called back then. When I got older I heard the terms Ana and Mia used. It gave me something to identify with. Something to understand what the hell I was going through. It's not a friend, but a disease. I know that, and yet it is a friend in many ways because it's a part of me.

I'm 22 now-that makes 11 years since I first started all of this sh*t. 

Personally, I love/hate my disorder. It's apart of me, and has been for so long. I go through points where I "get better" or just stop and force myself to be "normal". I'll never be "normal" because even when I try to be, the guilt I feel for everything consumed, for evey ounce gained beats at me. I can try to be normal all I want, but in truth, my ED lies dormant within me waiting for the perfect opportunity to f*ck with my head again.

I hide my ED from everyone I know in my waking life. My parents, family, friends, and the love of my life. Not even my boyfriend knows about it and I've lived with him for a year. I lie to them, tell them I eat when I don't, make it look like I had. It sucks, but I do it. When it comes to my journal that is written with a false pen name, why should I hide everything that I am? These are my thoughts, feelings, life. I refuse to hide from myself.

As far as the girls forming cliques...a good majority of us on here who are disordered, have formed friendships, found support, and we encourage each older in our choices whether to be ED or to recover.  Many of us have traded e-mails, screennames and phone numbers as a life line to have someone to talk to if needed. Some of these girls have more in common with me, even though we've never met, and I'd trust them more than some friends I have in my own town. These cliques can be helpful whether you see it or not.

Yes, I agree there are a few chickenheads on here who are fakes. Who write these diarys for attention from stangers, but not all are.

oh wow...im really sorry for your loss. that really makes me want to do more for my good friends. And that book you mentioned sounds GREAT...i am going to try and find it..

Much Love

~eli

Happy Birthday!!! Anyways..

I hope you have fun no matter what, coz I know I didn't on my supposed to be sweet sixteen.

Em

lol thanxxx for the commentt! it was finny!

~*_Taylor!_*~

hope u get btr!!! lol ILY!

~*_Taylor!_*~

lol i kno!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they r the bestest!

~*_Taylor!_*~

thanx 4 the comment! it made me smile! Your rite...! lolzz bye!

~*_Taylor!_*~

i like every type of music too. i know, it's like i don't really belong into any genre. i don't have a favorite. and i am always thinking that people are talking about me. always. i went to sit down in class today and as soon as i did 2 girls started whispering. i wanted to look at them in an attempt to appear intimidating, kind of like a "do you really think i don't know you're talking about me? you guys are dumb." but i was afraid it'd come off as more of a haha, she heard us.  but oh well.

hahaha
i love pasta
uhh so good
everyone always steals my foodzzz

id rather be where im at now
than in highschool though
and freshman are scum
now since you are a sophmore
it is your job to humilate
and belittle them
and scare the crap out of them
when you're a senior
it's like the law

id soooo put that girl in her place
she sounds gross
like too-much-makeup-im-the-princess-cuz-my-parents-are-rich-with-my-wonderbra gross

im actually married to a lot of people
what can I say, im a polygamist

haha its actually a lot more complicated
than her wanting a baby with me?
a lot of rumors
a lot of drama
mebbe someday I'll lay the facts out
but not today
hahaha ihave my permit
and i have a car
 just need to get the license test thingy

waking up with someone<3
and not being a dream hehee
thats cute
i like when people say to me,
"goodmorning sunshine"
ahahah i dont know why xD
i think its cuteeeee

Hehe aww thankyou for your comment :)

I am not beautiful...noway! haha! But thanks for saying so anyway!

Will is THE ultimate cutest! Hehe! But i understand as much as anyone about baby-bias, so no worries there :D

Tom is a stunner. Oof :P

And i loved the thing about Craig! Haha! I have to try and be nice cuz Will cud end up looking like him! hahaha

Lotsa Loves!

Violetxxx

Hey hun you got msn or AIM or nethin?

Love Vi xx

Hey doll youre added!

I've got a new entry with LOTS AND LOTS of pics!!!!!

Tell me what u think!

Love you! xxx

WOWWW
that is like
beyound words beautiful
oh my goodness
<33

damn.
thats a high cellphone bill.
then again mine is pretty high too
then again I usually dont pay mine
then again phones come and go to me like bottled water
its not "my cellphone" it's "the nokia"

XD
and im jealous youre parents spoil you
the iphone looks pretty poopy though
i want a pink chocolate
but alasss i have t-mobile grr

Glad to read that youa re spoiled and appreciating it!

 Have a blessed weekend!,

     Jewel

ohhh tropical icy land
i cant eat eggs
they are baby chickens
and they have a weird consistancy
i base a lot of my taste on consistancy

yeah matthews mom has
349082390843 cats
well new ones each day it
seems. haha you should just
devote ONE room to a
litter box and call it quits =D

 I'm sorry that you are in so much pain.   Are you truly suicidal?  Do you suffer from depression?  Have you tried medication...Mine help alot.

   Concerned about you,

      Jewel

Life can be hard, but its not worth it.

You are normal, everybody has problems.

xo.

dust in the wind. ooohh kansas.

good song. mhmm.

awww. glad to hear you have someone special in your life like your brother. =D

haha you were not being a bitch. you were just being honest.

it's just, isn't the whole point of living is to continue perfecting yourself until youre the way you like? oh no wait it's that whole..."happiness" business. haha.

so we wish on 11:11. and we wish on 12:12.

are wishes suppose to be on every hour/minute like that?

because i only learned the 11:11 recently =X

haha oh my goodness.

<3 tlc. mad old school. but not as old school as salt-n-pepa.

and it takes tons to change the world so don't sweat it man.

i'll have to remember to watch out for the goose honky spiders. atleast i'll hear these coming.

id always imagined their legs should sound like metal. yet id probably be huddling in a corner against the impending doom.

golly geewillicjkerZZ

thanks for commenting.
I dont know many people who have actually
read that book. Just you, myself, and my
boyfriend's best friend. My boyfriend and I
went to see the movie they made out of it
&& it was great. I like the word Amazing
too.

I love time and numbers and math in general.
&& that picture is awesome.
bowling is generally fun.
yes;; I know how you feel... I hate thinking
my problems are so terrible when there
are people in 3rd World countries... but
that is something I generally keep to
myself.

[empiresXcoming]

I like 80's movies too.
:D
&&You're gorgeous.

heheh so im greedy. XD it happens. atleast im not a glutton. because piggy people blow.

and guys aren't too bad. i mean we have our moments but heckkk. i should be offended. and throw pineapples at YOU my friend.

i wish everything could be black and white too. better yet, pink and black. without areas of um...pinkish blackish grey. and eww who wants that. thats just gross.

i want to eat a missile.

hahah that was very creative

im jealous that i didnt think of it

grrr grrr

moo

I have a room full of stuff animals. - Yer me too! Hehe! And no they aren't all Williams!

I cry in corny movies. - I'm so emotional sometimes...i cried over a tiny sad part in a comedy show the other day.

I throw tantrums and bruise myself. - I have been known to tantrum...although nowadays i have to keep them down to a minimum - it'd be quite sad if i still tantrumed when my child did hehe

I eat too much. - Oh god me 2! Just for the blimmin energy! Hehe!

I sing too loud. - Snap...and by the way my singing is DREADFUL. I hardly ever sing William to sleep cuz it's so bad!

I cry too much. - Yer me too...good way to let it all out - crying is good for you!

I am always the one to say I'm sorry. - Now thats not me! I hate saying sorry first - that's the stubborn welsh bitch in me! lmao!

I'm a virgin. - Uhh...nope sorry not that either!

I fall in love with the guys who want to break me - Have been known to do that in the past - i'm so happy now i've got my Tom.

I am messy. - Yes...but i blame it all on Will (shhh) ;)

And I like it. - ME TOO!!!!!

Love the new diary sweetpea! Keep it up!

Ps - Very cute pic of you! :)

"I'm tired of what I'm supposed to be.  I want to be who I am."

Hmm.  How about this instead:

"Acknowledge who you are.  Strive to be better."

If I, and a lot of people, simply wallowed in what I naturally gravitate to being, I'd be a string of reactions to the psychological imprints put upon me in my childhood.  There is tremendous satisfaction in 1.) honestly recognizing why you're motivated to do the things you do (such as being involved in alcohol abuse, drug use, promiscuity, shopping addiction, or any other kind of compulsive or addictive behavior), and 2.) setting out to actively shape who you are, what you do, and such, as opposed to just stumbling thru life grabbing at whatever short-term pleasure catches your attention at the moment.  The choice is yours.

P.S., good Gawd, you are GORGEOUS.

I am 22....but I also was semi-bulemic (if there is such a thing) .  I didn't feel the need to do it everyday, but I did it enough that I lost weight. 

The truth is, it can get better, and it will if you get help.  I still think about doing it, and occassionally I slip up and do it, but that isn't every often. 

It's tough being in high school.  It's tough trying to find yourself, be your own person, fit in the crowd, and please everyone around you.  But believe me, hurting yourself isn't the answer.  

I did it as a control thing, it was the one thing that I had control over.  Or so I thought. 

I truly hope that you are able to overcome it.  I hope that you will seek help, whether it is from religion, a counselor, or a peer.  I believe that you will be happy again with yourself, you just have to see in yourself what every one else does.  Beauty.

awwww.

that is...

so depressing.

dont let a scale tell you what to think. =[

its just numbers...